More than a Star and some Wise Men

DISCLAIMER: I saw this was still in draft status - so I thought I would go ahead and publish it. It may have incomplete thoughts or may not have a suitable ending.

What a great lesson the Lord delivered to us through Susie on Sunday! We studied Matthew 2:1-12 which talks about the Magi coming to visit Jesus after his birth. Already in the first verse, you can see the sinful nature of man. The Magi (we sing about them as the wise men) were preists that knew the Word of God like the back of thier hand. When King Herod gathered all the preists, and asked them where Jesus was to be born, they knew that Jesus was to be born in Bethlehem (from Micah 5:2) So why did they go to Jeruselem to look for Him? Well, there may be several reasons. They knew that this child was to be the King of the Jews, so why wouldn't he be born in the Palace - in the capital of Judea? All kings should be born there right? Maybe they were still waiting around in Jeruselem for the rest of the Priests to show up? They knew that this new King of the Jews would be ruler over the people of Isreal - but wait, that will take the Magi's power away! Maybe they didnt like change or refused to let go of their strongholds - they didnt want to give up their power and profits! It took King Herod telling them to go to Bethlehem to make them leave.

Let's look at something else for a moment - other than the wise men, another noted symbol of Christmas is the Star. I mean, apparently no one missed it. It must have been pretty spectacular. (Although, Herod had to ask when it appeared - guess he was busy doing something else.)

Stars are interesting creations of nature. (Warning, you might learn something scientific if you read on!!)

Did you know that "Once stars begin to shine, they assume a position on the main sequence and tend to stay there, shining steadily. Stars like the sun would brighten somewhat in their first couple of billion years. (SOURCE: Steven Dutch, Natural and Applied Sciences)

To realize just how magnificent, awesome, powerful, and detailed God is, I have included a little more about the life of stars below. It is amazing the planning that God did for just one event. Imagine the planning that he does for EVERY EVENT in your life!!

The Birth of Stars: Stars are born in cold interstellar clouds like the Orion Nebula and the Eagle Nebula. In these stellar nurseries, dense regions undergo gravitational collapse to form a rotating gas globule. As the globule collapses, the temperature and pressure increase and it spins faster. This causes the globule to have a central core and a surrounding flattened disk of dust. The central core becomes a star, while the disk may coalesce into planets and asteroids. The process of collapse takes between 10,000 and 1,000,000 years. (SOURCE: Cornell University, Astronomy Department)

The Brightness of Stars: There are two things which affect how bright a star appear from Earth. One is how close it is, and the other is how intrinsically bright it appears. Alpha centauri is not intrinsically a very bright star. It has an absolute magnitude of 4.4 only, which means it's slightly brighter than that Sun (which has an absolute magnitude of 4.8 - bigger is dimmer with magnitudes). The brightest star known is Sirius though, which is about twice as far away as Alpha Cen, but has an absolute magnitude of 1.4 (which means it is instrinsically almost 40 times brighter). See the Stars and Constellations website for further explanation of magnitudes. (SOURCE: Cornell University, Astronomy Department)

Unfavorite Breakdown

Those of you that know me know that I am not a person with a lot of favorites. Sure I like stuff, some I even love... but I am not partial to favoritism (though I am sure, regrettably, you could catch me in some form of favoritism with people). However, there is one thing in which I show no favoritism... and I am sure a lot of the world, or at least Americans, would agree with me in. What is it? The Process. I don't know if it just my being a generation XY (or Boomerang generation) American or human nature, but I do not like any process. Sure, when it is all said and done and I look back, it's not that bad, but it stinks when you are in it.

What process you ask? Any process. Losing weight, getting out of debt, job hunting, sanctification, life. It doesn't matter - everything has a process. Even the microwave has a process, it is just a lot shorter and more acceptable than other processes. Even God said there would be a process in Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 1:6. Why is the process so hard to accept and why does it have to hurt so much? I know, because it produces perseverance, which produces character, which produces hope. So where is the painful part? The perseverance? I choose perseverance because you look back and see the character that was produces and hope looks forward - so that leaves me with perseverance as the process.

If perseverance is the process, which is uncomfortable, then if I feel discouraged, tired, and weary, I must be persevering right? I sure don't feel like it! I feel like I am stuck in the mud, going no where, producing nothing. Ah-ha! I just looked up perseverance in the dictionary. It says that perseverance is the steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. Therefore (BSFer's will love that I used therefore!), I think I am suffering, and if I am persevering is yet to be determined. My conclusion comes from Romans 5:3 where we learn that it is suffering that produces perseverance. For what am I suffering? I don't know, I guess I can tell you that when I get to the character part of this process. But I do know that one reason is because I am co-heir with Christ to the inheritance of God! And that I share in His sufferings so that I might also share in His glory. I hope the glory comes soon - or even just a glimmer. Although, as I complain (I am sure that is what I am doing in the dissection) I know that my current suffering (or past and future sufferings) are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us. In the meantime, I return to the process.

Unplugged

After writing my blog last night - I found myself "trying" to meet with the Lord or find a way back to intimacy, yet next thing I know I was just reading a book (a good book at that, but not THE GOOD BOOK). What was I doing? Do I really want to meet with the Lord? Why am I finding ways around it or trying to do anything but just talk to Him? It was then that I closed the book and just prayed, though I didn't even know what to say. I was, however, comforted by knowing that the Holy Spirit was interceding for me. I didn't know what to say or how to say it, but I know the Holy Spirit has converted these feelings that I cannot express into powerful words that the Lord understands. As I sat in silence and thought about when I started spiraling down into these depths, there are two instances that I believe perpetuated this cycle.

First, was the end of BSF last year and entering a summer of undisciplined study (which I didn't do). And second, on top of not studying the Word in my own time, I left the Singles Department Sunday School class because I wasn't (or couldn't or wouldn't let myself) be spiritually fed there. Yes, I have been going to other classes - but there was a series of several weekends this fall that I missed church from being out of town or went to my hometown church. The point is that since I have left the Singles, I am not plugged into our church anywhere and I can see how this has dramatically contributed to my lack of responsibility in my relationship with Christ.

Of course, it is no coincidence that I received an email today from wonderful Ms Susie Corbett. She has invited me to help with the College class and their website. Can I say this is an answered prayer? To find a connection back into the Church with such a wonderful teacher of the Word?

Choose your Master

I wasn't at BSF last week, but I read a little about the lecture from Melanie's blog. However, this week was really just a continuance of last week since it is the same chapter of Romans - that would be chapter 6 about death to sin and life in Christ.

I read in Melanie's blog that one of the thing they talked about - especially with the thanksgiving week, to really be thankful for your salvation. Not just that you are saved from eternal separation from Christ, but that you are saved from what your life would have been if you didn't turn to the Lord. I can't even imagine how many different roads my life might have taken if I had kept my back to God. For this I am thankful; my life now, even though it isn't perfect (and won't be here on Earth). And I am most thankful that the Lord continues to pursue me and my heart even when I don't pursue Him. I didn't pursue Him down many years of my life, and I find myself today just walking the walk, but not really pursuing Him. I want to, but I just feel so separated.

That is where I tie in the second part of Romans 6 from BSF. Paul is telling the Romans not to let sin reign in your body. Don't offer any part of your body to sin. This means ALL parts - eyes, ears, tounge, hands, feet - everything! Instead, we are to use our body as instruments for Christ. But watch out! NOT offering your body at all is just as bad as offering your body to sin. That is where I am trapped. Not that I don't offer my body to sin - we all do (watching/listening/saying/doing things we shouldn't). But I am in such a pattern of stagnence that it just allows me to more easily participate in the sin that keeps me from having a working relationship with Christ. So how do I get to this wholehearted obedience to Christ? I have been set free from sin yet I continue to choose to let it master me. As a Christian, it is really all or nothing - I cannot be a slave to sin and to righteousness. So why do I choose to be a slave to sin?

On the Horizon... Change?

Last Friday we had our (what is supposed to be weekly - or at least monthly) Supervisors meeting at work. First we go through the agenda and talk about all the business stuff that needs to be talked about then our manager goes around the table and talks to the supervisors individually. She asks how things are going, are there any problems, and good news, anything we need, etc... and it does get chit-chatty sometimes. Everyone is still in there at this point, so you get to hear how everyone else on our team is doing and how thier teams are doing.

A while back, I blogged about my job and it's workload. And for the most part, I am really busy the first two weeks of the month, the third week slows down and the fourth week is a dead drag. Yes, there are times when I start to surf (ok, a lot) but I always ask for things to do first... and I usually dont get any results. So, at the meeting last friday, first I asked how one of my projects turned out since I hadnt heard any reports good or bad - I usually hear the bad, so I figured no news was good news. But even so, I like to follow up and make sure everything is working out well. (It's good news by the way) Then I talked about my workload and how it tapers off to nothing as the month goes by. During the meeting some projects were talked about that I could do - so that was good news. She did say that when I ask for stuff to do, it is hard to think of anything, but when you get away from the daily drama (I mean activities) then it is easier to see what projects I could take on. So when the end of the current reporting I am doing comes, I will have some new projects to work on.

Well, today, partly because of some team complaining (about another team, not ours) and deductive reasoning, oh and a little guts, I asked my boss why I do some of the daily reports I do. I didnt think that they were in align with my original job description (from 2 years ago) and there is actually a team in place (the one there is complaining about) to do the reporting, so why am I doing it? Not that I am complaining (though I did do that a lot today due to a few kinks in a new project) - but really I am just curious. And if I am supposed to do what I do, then that is fine, again - just wondering. In reality, it is as if I am working for one team and manager half the time and another team and manager the other.

She thought it was a good point and fired off a meeting request with her boss, her, and me! So tomorrow, the hatchet comes down on my job description and the other team (who I am doing the work for). So be praying for my nerves tomorrow at 11 as I am in this meeting!! I'll give you an update (but I wont have time to do it at work, so check back tomorrow evening).

Train for 5K

Chancy, a coworker, has tried to encourage me to train for a 5K run. I like the idea, but the discipline to actually do the work is proving difficult for me. When I do run the schedule, it isn't bad. I am going to Bally's to run today since it will be dark by the time I get home (I am going to a informational meeting about Lasik today!). CLICK HERE FOR THE SCHEDULE I started on about week 4... and still there.

I think my indiscipline stems from lack of motivation. What is supposed to motivate me (to train and to lose some weight)?

Feel free to post any motivators in the comments.

A Camping We Will Go....

So John and I (and Paisley) took off this weekend to Tyler State Park to do some camping and mountain biking. I know, there aren't any mountains there, but there are some nice trails... 11 miles of trails. We left after I got off work Friday, so it was kind of a late start.

We arrived to the campsite around 9pm. It was a little hard finding an open site in the dark... and pitching a tent we just bought on Thursday. John tried to start a fire and I tried to set up the tent. We learned quickly that we weren't as prepared as we had wished, but it was our first time out together. Our first indication was that we forgot a lantern or a flashlight. I tried to point the headlights in the direction of the tent pad-site, and it was better than nothing, but I could have used a better light. A nice neighbor saw I was struggling and brought over his lantern for me to use - it was then I could see the tent poles were color coordinated! The tent was finally up and I thanked the nice man for his lantern. John never got the fire going, but by that time we were so tired we were off to bed. And a cold night it was! Friday night had a low (actual low!) of 33 degrees! Saturday's low was only 43... yes, only. 10 degrees makes a world of difference.

We slept in Saturday morning, boy did that feel good. Then we set up Paisley's crate, put it in the tent, lured her in. and took off to bike. I haven't been on the trail since we went to Wichita Falls (WeeChiTah Trail) two weeks ago. It was good to be back on the trail, but it was killing me! We are used to short uphills that are set up by fast downhills, so you don't have to work too hard. At Tyler State Park, there are long slow downhills and long drawn-out uphills. It was the uphills that were a killer. On loop B, there was a really fun downhill spree, but then it leveled out and ended with a long hard uphill. We should have done loops C and D, but we didn't. And actually, we didn't know there was a Loop D. Oh well, that will give us a good reason to go back.

After the ride, we went back to the campsite and ate a sandwich. Then we took Paisley for a hike. She sure does love the outdoors and all the critters. We stayed on the trail for the most part, but veered off a little when it started to get boring.

It was time for dinner, so John started the fire while I took a shower with a spider (you know how much I loved that!) in the tiny disgusting community shower. But it did feel so good to be clean. And it was cold and I had wet hair, so I dried it as best I could in the hand dryer... fun.

When I returned, John said that he couldn't find a good stick to roast the brats and marshmallows on, so he would run to the store to get a grilling stick. I waited by the fire for what seemed to be an eternity, but John ensures it wasn't - though he did go to two stores before he finally drove over to Lindale's WallyWorld. Apparently in that time, I added too many logs to the fire - but I didn't add more than one at a time! - and when he returned, we only had 2 logs left to cook our dinner (and dessert - s'mores are the most important you know!). So then I went back out to the convenient store just outside the park to get some more logs.

We finally cooked the brats and ate s'mores. I love s'mores! You cant go camping without them. We let the fire burn out and headed off to bed. In the morning, we slept late again - and again, it was enjoyable. We packed up the car, which was done more methodically than when we left - amazing how it fits better when you take your time. And we headed back home.

It was a great weekend; to get out of the city and enjoy God's creation. It was beautiful to see all the leaves changing colors! I cant wait to go camping again. We have resolved to go every other month. Hopefully we'll stick to that. I have uploaded a slide show of some of the pictures we took on the trail Saturday... enjoy!

Have a Quarter?

Well, it was that time again, time for fall festivals, costumes, candy - and for it to finally get cold (okay, maybe just chilly). Last night was Halloween 2006 and once again, Melanie and I dressed up for the PPBC Fall Festival. For the last 2 years, we have dressed up in coordinating costumes and everyone has loved them. This year should be no different. Originally, we were going to be the chicken and the egg, but I backed out because I was the chicken (haha, no pun intended!). I didnt want to mess with the feathers. So Monday, the day before Halloween, I had so many people ask us about our costume this year, I decided we couldn't quit now! At the last minute, we pulled together our costume - and yes, with some challenges - something about how clear the garbage bag was, but I wont blame anyone for that (John). So here it is - our 2006 Halloween Costume - The Gumball Machine and Quarter! (also, for reference, I have posted previous year's costumes... I am not so sure this year is the best.)

We didnt get to wear our costumes very long because we had to worked concessions - the cotton candy machine. It didnt take long, but I we had new costumes on - you could call us cotton candy balls. I dont have any pictures, but it was everywhere... my hair was pretty much hairsprayed stiff with cotton candy. It was all over our hands, arms, face, hair, everywhere! But it was a lot of fun... and yummy too!

2006 - The Gumball Machine and Quarter

2005 - Scubadivers and the Man-eating Shark (Paisley)

2004 - The Picnic Table - with Mustard and Ketchup(Heinz Ketchup didnt go over very well with the Bush/Kerry Presidential election around the corner in November)

Also for Halloween this year, I made the Kitty Litter Cake for the Halloween Spread at work. It went over well, but it didnt really look like the picture. I made it at 6am yesterday and the instructions weren't well written, and I admit that sometimes I dont read the whole receipe first - which really isnt a good thing. So here are pictures of the Kitty Litter Cake.

Retreat

This weekend I went to the Grace Church Women's Retreat. I originally signed up because Melanie didn't get to go to the Plymouth Park Women's Retreat last April. I am glad that we went. I had a great time. Melanie and I roomed with my Mom and Judy. They are a lot of fun. Can you believe that Mel and I were in bed before Mom and Judy!

The speaker was Kim Humphries. She is a counselor here in Dallas. Her name sounds awful familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. Kim spoke about communication and resolving conflict. While I knew a lot of the information, it was still good to have a refresher course and it provided affirmation on some of my communication skills.

There were a few things that I thought were really interesting. First, when we began to talk about conflict, Kim mentioned that all situations - the good, the bad, and the ugly - are sifted through the hand of God first. There is nothing that He doesn't take in consideration regarding out personalities, our situations, and our burdens that allows us to endure. Like 1 Cor 10:13 says about temptation, I believe that everything the Lord allows is never beyond what you can bear. Likewise, as it is said in Psalms 46:1-10, God is our refuge and strength and we can trust in Him through all conflict.

I also thought it was interesting when Kim talked about the 5 levels of friendship. While it is natural to know that not all friendships are not the same and fall into different levels, I don't know that I have ever actually read or heard about the levels. It wasn't the fact that there were levels that interested me, but it was when I began placing my friends in the different levels. I have always known I am a person with few very close friends that I am transparent with - and more that are just acquaintances, but it was interesting to actually think about it. Not that it is a bad thing... everyone is different.

And once again, we talked about temperaments. I know what I am, but I think we often forget to take into consideration what other people's temperaments are when we communicate with them, and especially in resolving conflicts. It is amazing how different the outcome can be if you pay attention to this first! (And it goes to say we don't take this into consideration when my mom had all the ladies sing Happy Birthday to me at once... and I don't like to be the center of attention! I was so embarrassed!)

Overall it was a good weekend. I pray that I (and all the other ladies) will be able to remember what we learned this weekend and apply it to their daily lives as they communicate with their family, friends and coworkers (and you know us ladies are going to be communicating!) And actually, Kudos to Melanie who used her communication skills Sunday!

Permissive and Perfect

I have been studying Romans in BSF this year and along with it I have been studying the Women of the Bible with the PPBC Women's Bible Study. This week the woman of the Bible was Leah, poor Leah. This particular study was on being or feeling unloved, but how God loves you and how we should rest in that. This lesson was nice, but something else was said that struck a chord in my heart and since I have been thinking about it.

I have been thinking about God's permissive will and His perfect will and how they fit into my life. I think that Oswald Chambers explains it nicely in My Utmost for His Highest:

Always make a distinction between God’s perfect will and His permissive will, which He uses to accomplish His divine purpose for our lives. God’s perfect will is unchangeable. It is with His permissive will, or the various things that He allows into our lives, that we must wrestle before Him. It is our reaction to these things allowed by His permissive will that enables us to come to the point of seeing His perfect will for us. "We know that all things work together for good to those who love God . . ." ( Romans 8:28 )— to those who remain true to God’s perfect will— His calling in Christ Jesus. God’s permissive will is the testing He uses to reveal His true sons and daughters. We should not be spineless and automatically say, "Yes, it is the Lord’s will." We don’t have to fight or wrestle with God, but we must wrestle before God with things. Beware of lazily giving up. Instead, put up a glorious fight and you will find yourself empowered with His strength.

I have been thinking about things happening in my life, in John's life and in my friends lives. It is always hard to understand why things happen, why God allows some things and not others. I think most importantly, we have to remember that we cannot look at things from our perspective but from the perspective of our Almighty God. I know, easier said than done. But just in the last few days I have allowed myself to turn my negative, humanly, sinful thoughts to positive, God-is-in-control, like-minded thoughts and I have to say that it has really effected my outlook on life, at least for now anyway. I know that God is in control and that He has allowed some unpleasent things/situations to come and go (or come and stay) but I know that, even if it was a result of my sin, God has allowed it for some reason, He has a plan for it that I cannot understand, and I just have to trust and hope in Him that things will work out as He sees fit.

Hopefully I can keep my hope and trust in this and continue to allow the Lord to speak to me regarding the things I dont understand - or at least keep the channels open for communication!

Thy mercy, my God is the theme of my song

This week in BSF we studied Romans 1:18-31 about the wrath of God. Society doesn't talk much about the wrath of God (or at least, not until something like Katrina or the Tsunami happens). I think this is because people want to beleive in the peace and love god. They put God into a box that is pretty and suitable to their needs and feelings and shy away from judgement and wrath.

Looking at Romans 1, Paul describes the downward spiral that the Romans were taking and their perverse actions and thoughts. Let me list any of these and see if they sound familiar.

• Godlessness
• wickidness
• supressing the Truth
• not glorifying God
• not thanking God
• futile thinking
• darkened hearts
• claimed to be wise but were fools
• exchanged glory of God for other things
• had sinful desires
• participated in sexual impurity
• exchanged God's truth for lies
• woshiped and served creation rather than the Creator
• had shameful lusts
• exchanging natural relations for unnatural ones (homosexuality, child abuse, porn, beastiality, etc)
• didnt retail the knowledge of God
• of depraved mind,
• filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity
• full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice
• are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful
• invent ways of doing evil
• they disobey their parents
• are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless
• not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them

Man, that is a long list. And I can't say that I am not guilty of some of those. The scary part is in Rome, God gave them over to these things. God withdrew his grace and let them have what they thought they wanted. I don't want God to do that to me! But I am fearful that if I continue to constantly pursue these sins, without repenting and really turning back to the Lord, He might do that. Dont get me wrong, I know that I am saved and that the Lord will forgive me no matter how far gone I seem to be. And I am pretty sure He won't give me over to these things because I am convicted regarding them. I beleive the Romans had completely abandend God so that is why He gave them over. But one should also thing about our country... in that respect, God really might give them over. Or worse, he'll revisit His wrath on Sodom and Gomorrah.

About Sodom and Gommorah, I read these passages in Genesis last night and found hope and blessing. Remeber in Genesis 19:1-29 that describes the destruction. In previous chapters you can learn about how Sodom was on the same path/downward spiral as Rome. God sent 2 angels to Lot and his family before the destruction... and even though his family didnt want to go (they had become so engrossed in the customs of the culture - sound familiar?), God grabbed them by the arm and drug them to safety. My prayer is that the Lord will do the same to me. Though I know there are things in this world that my flesh desires and doesn't want to abandon, I pray that the Lord shows His mercy on me and drags me out to safety before He brings His wrath and destruction.

It makes me sing the song by Caedmon's Call ("Thy Mercy"):

Thy mercy, my God is the theme of my song
The joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue
Thy free grace alone from the first to the last
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast

Without thy sweet mercy I could not live here
Sin would reduce me to utter despair
But through thy free goodness my spirit's revived
And he that first made me still keeps me alive

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart
Dissolved by thy goodness I fall to the ground
And weep to the praise of the mercy I've found

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Great father of mercies thy goodness I own
And the covenant love of thy crucified son
All praise to the spirit whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine

Something New, Week 2

This week, Melanie and I went to Deborah Spence's class. She is a wonderful teacher and the class was so nice. They met in the Chapel this week since they dont have a classroom from the change in services. I expected a lot more people to be in her class, but there were only about 8 including me and Mel. But numbers dont matter... the teaching was wonderfully refreshing.

Going to Deborah's class required us to go to the contemporary service for Church. This week the Youth department was having their annual "Be True to Your School" week which is like a big peprally for all the schools represented at our churh. Due to this, the service was packed with extra youth and their families. The sermon was good, but the church had brought in a speaker to do the sermon for the kids. I didnt know many of the songs, but I knew a few. This Sunday in the contemporary service wasnt really my cup of tea, but I'll try it again seeing how we had special circumstances.

I have really enjoyed skipping around to the different Sunday School classes to see where God is leading me. I have gotten to meet so many great people and heard some great teachers. I cant wait for what is in store for next week. I wonder who I'll visit next.

On a side note, as of yesterday, we had 90 people signed up for Dinner Clubs!! I think it's going to be a blast!

Something New, Week 1

Sunday, September 17 was a big day for our church. There had been much talk about this division ever since I came to PPBC, and I am sure it preceded me as well (not that I had anything to do with it). It was the day they finally split the worship services into straight traditional and straight contemporary... no more blended services. For me, it was the first day to NOT go to the Singles class for Sunday School.

My decision to leave the Singles department rests on many different issues, ones which I will not discuss on this blog, but you may feel free to ask me through and email or in person. But mainly, I just needed a break, a change of pace, a refreshment - and that is what I got on Sunday.

I had talked to Pat Walker last Tuesday about visiting her class (it is one of many I planned on visiting) and while she warned it was full of 60-70 year olds, she said she would be happy for Melanie and I to come. Of course, age doesn't bother me - you can learn a lot from people that have had more life experiences than yourself, whether they are 10 years or 60 years your elder. I was excited about going.

So Sunday, because of the split of services, to visit Pat's class, Melanie and I had to go to First Service - the traditional one. This didn't bother me at all. I enjoy and appreciate the hymns and the music. I think many of the people my age and especially younger will lose and are losing the richness and great meaning of hymns. Don't get me wrong, I love contemporary music as well and it too can be very meaningful, but it can also lack something of quality as well. The service was wonderful.

So on to Pat's class... Melanie and I had to walk in late due to manning Dinner Club booths and to our dismay, the door we walked in was at the FRONT of the class; I would have rather walked in at the back. I didn't see Pat right away, and even though that is the door she told me to go in, I was afraid that we had gone to the wrong class. However, after we sat down, I had heard her voice and was rest assured we were where we needed to be. We sat at the back of the room and definitely stood out.

Pat is part of AC Winkler's department and as a department, they meet and worship the Lord in song (yes, hymns), make announcements, and then split up into classes. I enjoyed worshiping again in Sunday School. It reminded me of when I was little and would go to my grandparents' Sunday School class. I would stand on the table and help my Nanny and Granddaddy lead the class in worship. I always loved that. I can always remember singing "Sweetest Name I Know", which I still whistle and sing today with joy.

• There's within my heart a melody/Jesus whispers sweet and low/ "Fear not, I am with you, peace be still" /In all of life's ebb and flow.
• CHORUS Jesus, Jesus, Jesus /Sweetest name I know /Fills my ev'ry longing/ Keeps me singing as I go.
• All my life was wrecked by sin and strife/ Discord filled my heart with pain /Jesus swept across the broken strings /Stirred the slumb'ring chords again.
• Feasting on the riches of His grace /Resting 'neath His shelt'ring wing /Always looking on His smiling face /That is why I shout and sing.
• Though sometimes He leads through waters deep/ Trials fall across the way /Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep /See His footprints all the way.
• Soon He's coming back to welcome me/ Far beyond the starry sky/ I shall wing my flight to worlds unknown /I shall reign with Him on high

After singing, the announcements started and visitors were introduced. Of course, Pat was sure to introduce us and we stood up so people could see us (since we seemed to be hiding in the back). Everyone was very glad to see us in there. The announcer (sorry, I don't know his name) said that he knew that the service changes would bring new faces and that he was sure that "those young people would get in their right minds and go to the traditional service". Everyone got a kick out of that.

When we broke up into the classes, Pat was missing but a nice man saw we were lost and showed us where to go. Once in the room, the ladies were so accommodating and welcoming (to all the guests). It was nice to see they cared. One lady, Theda, was so sweet. She gave us study guides with the disclaimer that they were for people a little over our age (retirees 55+) and were in big print. She's so cute. Pat was a wonderful teacher and it was so refreshing to have something different.

So thanks to all the wonderful people in AC Winkler's Sunday School Department that made our experience so pleasant!

Woe is Me, Praises to Thee

It all began at the beginning of summer... a black cloud moved in. In June, I went to buy a bike and set my purse down. I guess someone thought it must be theirs, so they picked it up and took it. Everything was in there; my keys, my phone, my credit/debit cards, licence, SS card, my life. So I used the store phone to call Melanie to bring me the spare key to my car. When she arrived, I started to cancel all the cards. It made me so upset because I could have prevented it all by either giving my purse to John (he would look great with a handbag!) or just keeping it on my person. But should-a, could-a, would-a; what's done is done.

If the cloud had left after this incident, all would have been fine, but it remained looming above my head. Throughout the summer, I dealt with a lot of different struggles with relationships - both with others and with God. But for the most part, I think these have been resolved and are going well.

However, there was one final event that just really pushed me to the limit, making me physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. John and I decided to go to OSU for the opening football game over Labor Day weekend. The game was great, though since we were scalping tickets, we almost thought we weren't going to get in! The new stadium looks great... and will look even better once completed. We got to sit on the Alumni side which meant that we didn't have to stand throughout the entire game. And best of all, we WON!!

The tragedy didn't begin until we arrived back in Tulsa Saturday night. We had traveled to Stillwater in Jamie/Mark's car, so when we got home, John and I went to my car to load some stuff in the trunk... but I couldn't find my keys. No worries, we thought. It was late and we would do it in the morning. But come morning, there were still no keys. We enjoyed lunch with Abby and Jeremy, but when we returned and searched even more for the keys, the weekend just became darker and darker. It was Sunday, so the VW dealer wasn't open. John, Jamie, Mark and I continued in our plans to visit with some friends that evening; after all, we had exhausted all resources for finding the keys. Monday morning rolled around and Jamie and I got up early to go to the VW dealer, but of course they were celebrating the holiday and were closed. Crap. What are we going to do now? Not only will a flight be expensive for a same day, last minute flight, but Paisley was with us... and she is too expensive to fly home. I HAD to be home to go to work the next day ... it is deadline time like crazy! I started to break down in frustration. My parents were wonderful at trying to keep me calm, but as soon as Dad got on the phone I broke down again. I guess perhaps because I just felt like I could cry in Dad's arms, even though he wasn't really there - though John did a good job of lending me his shoulder. Finally, after much deliberation, we came to the conclusion to rent a car, go home, and return the next weekend to take care of my car. The problem was that my only other key that starts my car - it was stolen with my purse in June.

We returned home Monday to the comfort of my own home, finding some, but not much, relaxation. Tuesday morning, I went to the dealership in Dallas to have them make a new key - only to find they needed my car to program the key. Crap. Now I am going to have to tow my car to the dealer! The expenses just keep piling up. So I called the Tulsa dealership (which, unusually was nicer than mine - Metro is usually pretty accommodating) and talked to them about keys and towing the car to the them. I ordered two of the "cheap" keys and decided to tow the car when I got to Tulsa in the coming weekend.

Wait! I feel the winds of change... blessings are in the forecast! I then got on eBay and ordered the "expensive" key (actually for less than one of the "cheap" dealer keys). Saving the money there was blessing number 1! Too bad I hadn't just ordered all the keys off eBay. Oh well. Blessing number 2 came when I received a call from Jamie who said that someone had decided to finally turn my keys into her apartment complex office!!! SOMEONE FOUND MY KEYS!!! This was a great blessing... too bad I had already ordered keys, but I guess I need them anyway in case this ever happens again (but hopefully not). This also provided the blessing of not having to tow my car to the dealer ... saved some money there! I called my parents to tell them the good news. In the conversation, we decided we would save a little more money and take the rental car back early (I had met all my deadlines at work, so I could take a little time). I left that afternoon around 5 and met Dad in Gainesville. Together we traveled to Tulsa, got my car, turned in the rental and decided to just come on home. So at midnight, we left Tulsa and came back home. I arrived at my house at 4:30 (just when John is getting up for work!). I slept a little late and went to work at 10. Man, was I exhausted for the rest of the week.... but I had my car and my keys! The last blessing came when I called to set up an appointment at Metro VW to program my keys... turns out it is cheaper to do here in Dallas!

If you are still reading this, I commend you! This is like a novel! So, finally, I come to the application. Not that the praises for the blessings God has given me isn't enough, but we should definitely learn something from out life experiences!

Yesterday at the women's Bible Study at church, we were talking about Hagar. We first discussed how Abram was instructed by God to go to Canaan - which he did, but found that the promised land wasn't so promising, so went on to Egypt on his on initiative. How often do we, like I did, find ourselves where God wants us to be or placed us, but man does it look like the wrong place to be! So we skip on out of there to where we desire to be. Instead, we need to wait on the Lord there to see what He has in store; maybe the promised land is promising, we just can't see the well 3 feet away.

We then discussed how Abram and Sarai were promised a child by God and how impatient they were. In their restlessness, they decided to take matters into her own hands and Sarai gave Abram her maidservant, Hagar, so they could bear a child. Of course, their plans didn't work out exactly how they wanted and we still see the repercussions of their decision. You see, God knows our needs and meets our needs. We just have to know that God can handle everything, that he puts a hedge around us to protect us, that He won't allow our circumstances to overwhelm us (even though we feel they do sometimes). Once we place our faith in these truths and promises and let God clear our sight from our circumstances, then we can relax in Him, His timing and His plan.

State of Mind

For quite a while now I have been in a state - I don't mean Texas, though that is where I have been (and still am) - a mental, emotional, spiritual state. And this condition isn't the most comfortable. It is one that involves a lack of desire, sometimes emotion, lack of discipline and will.

I have been reading a blog by Rebecca. I don't really know who she is - we have never met - but she stumbled across my blog and left me a comment so I have been reading her blog. Her latest post actually hits home with me recently. She has been posting her testimony - and a great one at that! Her latest post talks about how she had been purposefully and passionately rejecting God. This is not to say that I am blatantly trying to reject God, but it has become so easy to just get caught up with controlling my own life and not letting God control it that I might as well be in outright rejection of God - after all, that is what I am doing, right?

I can see a change (for the worse) in my attitude towards ministry and people as well as my near non-existent walk with the Lord. I've become really good at going through the motions (or some of them anyways - some I just don't even try to do). Thanks to Rebecca for her post. It is very encouraging and eye opening to me. Like she did, I just need to step back and pray and ask what it is that keeps me from Him. Thanks Again!

Lions, Tigers and Bears - Oh My!

Actually - its Lions, Beavers, Otters, and Retrievers. I dont know why I felt inclined to take this personality quiz again, but I did. Maybe because I havent taken it in a while, I love filling out questionaires and paperwork, and because I love personality tests. Infact, we had to take one for a class at work the other day too.

Funny thing is that I always come out pretty even across the differnt types. I am curious if I am not really honest with myself when I fill these things out. Maybe I mix a little of what I am with what I wish I were. Another reason I dont think my own answers are accurate is because I tend to not answer to the extremes (like rating 1 to 5 - I almost never give 1's or 5's). So maybe I am a little more reserved when I answered these personality quizes.

So the Lions, Beaver, Otters, and Retrievers - what is it you ask. It is a personality test written by Gary Smalley. Lions are the Captains, Otters are the Social Directors, Beavers are the Navigators and Retrievers are the Stewards. (see Gary Smalley's explanation or this one from NewLife)

When I took the quiz at NewLife (a little less involved than Gary Smalley's), like I said, I was pretty even. So I had some of my friends score me as they saw me. It is intersting to see the difference.

My Score: LION - 20 OTTER - 18 RETREIVER - 16 BEAVER - 18
G-Kelly Scoring Me: LION - 28 OTTER - 16 RETREIVER - 12 BEAVER - 24
Melanie's Scoring Me: LION - 22 OTTER - 8 RETREIVER - 8 BEAVER - 20

AVERAGE: LION - 23.3 OTTER - 14 RETREIVER - 12 BEAVER - 20.6
(I'll add more people's perceptions later)

So I mixed in (or will) some friends and some co-workers. It is interesting to see the different hats I wear and to see the differnt perceptions people have of me. I dont think purposefully change my disposition for differnt people, except maybe work vs. play - but even then, I dont think I am that different (on purpose anyway).

But what does it mean that I am mostly Lion and Beaver? Well, of course the Lion likes to lead, is good at making decisions (I might disagree with that one) and is very goal-oriented (disagree there too?). Lions enjoy challenges, difficult assignments, and opportunity for advancement. Unfortunantly, lions can sometimes step on people on their way to meet their goal, can be agreesive and competitive. They need to learn not to be too bossy or take charge in other's affairs. Strengths include the fact that they are strong and direct. Weaknesses that they are argumenative and too dictorial. Their limitations are that they dont understand that directness can hurt others and they have a hard time expressing grace.

Beavers are organized and think there is a right way to do everything (usually thier way) and they want to do it exactly that way. Funny they are creative though. Beavers are problem solvers and want to solve all problems. They dont like sudden changes and need reassurance. Beaver strengthes include high standards, order and respect. Weaknesses include unrealistic expectations of self and others as well as being too perfect. They are limited by seeing the optomistic side of things and expressing their flexibility.

This is fun! Now you know more about me! Time for you take the quiz and tell me your results in a comment!!

For My Friend Sara

Oda oota ordemba, yma iendfra antedwa ema ota itewra a ogbla ina iglatinpa. Istha is urningta out ota eba uitqua a ifficutlda ospa ota itewra. Osa I inktha I illwa eepka it ortsha. Ustja antedwa ota aysa attha arasa eansma alota ota ema. Esha is eryva inspirationsala ota ema and encouraginga ota ema. Ankstha arasa orfa eingba uchsa a eatdra iendfra! Istha ostpa is orfa ouya!! I ovela ouya!!

You're asking for it!

In Sunday School this week - we continued to discuss the ways God talks to you personally and of course, prayer was discussed. And since prayer was discussed, we touched on the ACTS model of prayer. In talking about the Thanksgiving part of ACTS, we listed things that we usually thank God for. Of course, most people spoke out about the "good" things in life - and it was recognized that we usually thank God for the blessings and not usually the sufferings. Now, I don't want to boast, but I thank God very much for the sufferings - because in the end, they really are blessings. The weird thing is that I usually pray for the sufferings - especially when I feel that I am far from God or when things are just going too well in life. I guess I feel like when I am far from God, I know that suffering forces me to rely on him. It is used as a method to get back to God. And when things are going well, I think I ask for suffering to test my faith, to keep me humble, a form of checks and balances. Does anyone else encounter this in their life?

Funny thing is - when I do experience the rocky roads, it takes me a moment to remember that I asked for it. At first I think - why? - not a bad why, but a "what am I supposed to be looking for - what are you supposed to be teaching me, why has this come about?" And then it hits me - AH YES! I asked for it. And as always - the Lord strengthens my relationship with Him, my confidence in my faith, and builds more character - and I thank Him always for these hardships. I really believe that sometimes it even hard for me to see the hardships I endure because I don't always think of them as hardships as I encounter them, and when they pass - all I see is blessing.

I just want to thank you, Father, for using your refiner's fire in my life. I am so grateful that you continue to work on me and on my relationship with You.

God is Amazing

invisible Octopus


This is why I love scuba diving - to see God's amazing imagination and creation.

I think the octopus is my favorite animal in the sea, and the octopus reminds me of what we strive for so much. We transform ourselves to be like so many other things. Wouldn't it be cool if we could blend in with Christ so much that people wouldn't even see us, but only Christ? Thanks God for the reminder - I really do want to be like you.

Just something to chew on

For the word of the Lord is living and active. Sharper than a double-edged sword, it penetrates even to divide the soul and spirit, bone and marrow; it judges the thoughts and actions of the heart. Nothing is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:12-13

Man, that is kinda scary. I mean, I am pretty open and honest with my friends, but there are some things about me that they dont know - and sometimes I like it that way. But God, totally different story! He knows everything and judges the thoughts and actions of my heart - the things that are closest to me, that no one else knows. That makes me squirm in my seat.

Therefore, since we have a high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith that we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in EVERY way, just as we are - yet is without sin. Let us approach the throne of grace with CONFIDENCE, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:14-16

Whew! Some good news. Even though God knows all and see's all, he knows what I am going through and understands my temptations and struggles. He FEELS the temptation with us because he's been there. Infact, he's felt temptations I havent even encountered - and might never encounter. Knowing that he didnt fall to temptation and made it through to cover my sin, I can approach him with confidence. He is the provider of grace and mercy.

It's been a while

So it has been a while since I have posted anything - and by all means this is not a note-worthy post. Just an update to let you know I am still alive. I have been on hiatus for 2 reasons.

First, sadly, I haven't been in the Word lately, and when not in the Word, I am not taught great things to share with you. However, on a better note - I spent 2 hours on Saturday in First and Second Peter. Man, that is just what I needed. Isn't God the coolest how he knows and meets our needs?

Second, I have been pretty busy trying to set up our evangelism team. We are working on a workshop to prepare people (starting with our singles departments) to share the Gospel. The Lord has been faithful to teach me a lot about sharing His truth and for that I am grateful. When I get more in concrete I will share - but I have to give props to the book titled "Evangelism for the Rest of Us" by Mike Bechtle. GREAT BOOK!

Well, until next time - grace and peace to you!

I REFUSE!

We've been doing this study about exploring your spiritual maturity in our Singles group at Church and a topic that often surfaces is worry. Of course, that was a lesson one week but it seems like we talk about it every other week.

Anyway, I don't worry. I have said that it is a bit annoying to me when people worry - and I am not sure if that annoyance is distinguishable between the petty worries or grand worries - but a worry is a worry. I know it is probably easier said that done - but why worry about even the great things like "I don't have a job" or "The doctor just told me... ".

I have always just explained it that I know God is in control so why should I worry - and that is true. But on my way to check up on Melanie's dog at lunch, I was listening to a Christian Radio station and heard it said best (I cant figure out what I was listening to - I am trying to find it on the web and if I do, I'll let you know) This guy Chip (I think his name was) said "I Refuse to worry! So life is spinning out of control - so we've been going to counseling and our marriage still isn't working - so my retirement is spent - I REFUSE TO WORRY. God is sovereign. He knows what He is doing. I don't understand what is going on, why things are happening- but I am not supposed to know! But I do know that God does and He is orchestrating something grander than I could imagine. As long as I have faith in the fact that God is sovereign and can and will take care of me - I refuse to worry." YES YES!! This is what I believe! I couldn't have said it better myself (because I didn't!). God is my hope and peace. How else am I supposed to explain it?

Man, I wish I could figure out who that was I was listening to. It went to commercial and gave an ad for some AW Tozer books(Knowledge of the Holy and Attributes of God) that the lesson was based off of. Maybe I'll check it out.

FOLLOWUP:
I found it! Chip Ingram is his name. The station was 100.7 the Word and the ministry is "Living on the Edge" This particular lesson was "The Sovereignty of God part 1"

Revive My Heart

Man, It was such a wonderful time at the Women's Retreat. I really enjoyed getting to know so many different ladies in our church. The speakers were wonderful (I'll talk about them shortly). The door prizes were not only abundant, but NICE - and great that I won one too!! The decorations were great - and the center pieces were beautiful. It was also great that we had a silent auction for them and that I won one - but of course my bidding tactics worked!! and the bud vases are already on my desk at work. The food was great, the rooms were great, bunco was great - I couldn't have asked for a better time.

Of course all this was good, but the best part was that the theme of the retreat, "Revive My Heart", was more than appropriate. God did such wonderful things in my life this weekend through the speakers and the women to really start the revival process.

One of the first speakers was Joy Weaver - an etiquette expert. She shared some etiquette tips with us - some I knew, some I did not. But she also talked about how as she grew up - she never thought the Lord would use her for such great things as He does. She spoke of how she grew up in the church and knew the Lord, but when she got out on her own, she began to live as though she just had a ticket to Heaven. Man, can I identify with that. Her testimony was so encouraging and inspiring to really trust God in His plan for your life - to follow Him. She also spoke of the power of prayer - and how it is especially important to pray with others. Joy challenged us to take whatever time we spend in prayer now and add 10 minutes. In addition to that - she challenged us to pray BIG! Pray for something that you know when you see it happen that you will have no reason not to believe it was the work of the Lord. It reminds me of James 1:6-8 - that when you ask, you should ask and believe - not doubt. How many times do my prayers just become a conversation of me merely reporting what is going on in my life - perhaps with a measly "please help me Lord" at the end. Yes, I know, sometimes these prayers are appropriate but when it becomes the only thing in your prayer life, I think it becomes detrimental to your walk with God. I believe this because I think you are not really giving your concerns to God, asking for specific things, and trusting (and believing) that God will provide. I have really taken a hard look at my prayer life and have to admit it lacks faith.

Another blessing the Lord brought to the retreat was the prayer and praise led by our very own Toni Alexander! She gave us little bits to think about as she led the worship (and she picked some good songs!). One that sticks with me is about evaluating your life and relationship with God. To become closer to God and to revive your heart - sometimes you have to have some of yourself die (deny yourself) and sometimes you need to wake up other parts of yourself. The entails a big part of evaluating your priorities - and some of mine are very out of whack. I have begun to realign them.

Donna Germany - another wonderful lady from our church - also spoke to us about prayer. She was so sweet to share some of the prayers she has written in her journals - prayers near and dear to her heart. She talked about the importance of journaling your prayers. I do from time to time - and she too said that some years she journals more than others. I am very encouraged by her and plan to journal prayers again (though, this blog sorta counts). I am also thankful that she gave us some different prayer tips. I am not going to call them methods because I know that I struggle with making the method more important than the Lord I pray to. I am also coming to terms with this struggle - and have given it to the Lord. (and my Sunday night prayer team has been wonderful about this - I love you guys!! --- "You guys" I sound like a yankee! --- I love YA'LL!!)

I really look forward to seeing what the Lord is going to do through my revived prayer life (and my life in general). Its only been 2 days since the retreat and I can already see revival in my heart and in my life. Thanks so much to all the ladies that worked so hard on putting together the retreat - ya'll did a wonderful job! And thanks so much, Lord, for showing up and revealing yourself - not only to me, but to each one of us there. Thanks!

Suffering

suf·fer
v. suf·fered, suf·fer·ing, suf·fers
v. intr.
To feel pain or distress; sustain loss, injury, harm, or punishment.
To tolerate or endure evil, injury, pain, or death.
To appear at a disadvantage: He suffers by comparison with his greater contemporary (Albert C. Baugh).

There are 2 reasons for suffering in this world. First, is the suffering that everyone endures - just because we are alive. Second, is the unjust suffering endured by Christians.

Romans 8:17-27 tells us that if we are children of God, we share in the sufferings of Christ and that these suffering are nothing compared to the glory revealed in us.
Romans 5 tells us that we count our sufferings as joy.
1 Corinthians 1:3-11 tells us that the Lord comforts us in our suffering through our salvation.
Ephesians 3:7-21 tells us to not be discouraged by our sufferings but to approach God with freedom and confidence and make our plea to Him - for He is able to do more than we could ever imagine.
2 Timothy 1 and 1 Peter 4:12-14 encourage us to embrace and welcome suffering - for it is for the glory of the Lord.
1 Peter 5:8-10 tells us we are not alone in our sufferings.

All of this is good, but how can I embrace and take joy (which is hard in itself) when I cant recognize suffering itself? Some examples that were given to me were working for an unjust boss or persecution of being a Christian or maybe being unemployed and searching for a job. But what else? I know there is more. don'tst dont feel as though I am suffering - ever. Maybe I am, maybe I do embrace it and take joy in it - maybe I see it as light and momentary troubles and so I continue to press on for for goal. ????

Tell me about your sufferings. What are they? How do you react to them?

When the Lord calls a person to a job, He first tempers their character for the job He has called them to - then places them in the position with the tools they need. Think of suffering as the tempering process - He's just preparing you for His work.

The Resurrection of Christ

I was asked why the Resurrection was important to me, so here it is:

First and foremost - Without the resurrection of the Lord, Jesus would just be another guy proclaiming to be God. I know that I worship a single and living God because Christ was crucified and then was raised three days later. He is the only one that people worship that was raised and is alive today. And because He lives and I believe - I, too, am saved from death and will spend eternity with Christ. God's word tells me that in Ephesians 2:4-10 - that when Christ was raised from the dead, we were raised with Him! From our death in sin to life in Him. From only my wee faith in Christ's death and resurrection - and allowing Him to be Lord of my life - He alone saves me. Not by any means of my own, just faith. But "because the Lord loves me and that He would keep the oath of my forefathers, the Lord brought me up with His mighty hand and redeemed me from the house of bondage" (Dueteronomy 7:8).

Another exciting thing about the resurrection is the power of God shown through this mighty work! In Ephesians 1:15-23, Paul prays for spiritual wisdom over the people of Ephesus. In that prayer, which is to us as well, Paul prays that we would "know the greatness of His power toward us who believe (that is present tense belieing by the way - so those who continuallybelieve, an active faith in God - not those who believed once) according to the work of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at the His right hand in the heavenly places." Can you think of any need you have that exceeds this power? The power of raising someone from the dead?! I certainly can't - and God's power abounds still more. How awesome is that! Who wouldn't want to have an active faith in Christ to see His power reign in your life?

So get excited about the Resurrection - for in it is Life and abundant power!!

Shield of Faith

In one of Beth Moore's studies, she mentioned that when we feel we are being attacked to think about the 5-statement Shield of Faith and figure out which one(s) are being attacked. Then having faith in God to overcome the trouble.

My Shield of Faith:
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do (AMEN!!)
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ (AMEN!!)
5. God's word is alive and active in me

Today at work I really screwed up a report that went out to some major people and 3 national customers. It wasn't long after it was published that the errors were brought to my attention, corrected, and republished- but boy my boss wasn't that happy. I know I am not perfect - but not getting the report right really gets to me. I couldn't help feeling horrible - like a failure - because it wasn't right the first time. I thought about my shield of faith - and decided I was being attacked on points 3 and 4.

I am who God says I am. He says I am a victor! (Psalm 18:35) He says I am Abraham's seed and I am an heir to the promise. (Galatians 3:26-29) and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13) So why should I believe this lie that has been planted that I am a failure? After correcting the work (and double checking it), I went to lunch and as I drove I remembered my shield of faith. I prayed to the Lord that I would be strengthened by these promises and that I would overcome this - and you know what - the Lord is faithful. I know it seems like a small thing (unless you are a perfectionist - then you know it doesn't seem to be - even though it really is) but the Lord used it to draw me closer to Him today. He used it to build my faith and reliance on Him - and for that, I am more than thankful! What a blessing.

What's in a name?

As I don't have children yet, I don't know that parents today name their kids for the meaning of the name - it seems that they name the children something cute, something original, a family name, and sometimes they give them names that are just plain weird.

Back in the day (Bible times that is), parents (and God) would give their children names that had meaning. And those names would often reveal who they were and what they had made of their life. God renamed people who had changed and were no longer living the meaning of their old name.

I thought of this because we just studied Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestles with God. After God touched his hip so that it was wrenched, Jacob realized who he was wrestling with. God asked Jacob "What is your name?". This can be translated 2 ways. First, the plain and obvious - tell me your given name. Second, it could be, tell me who you are. When Jacob answers with his name - he is saying "I am "heel-grabber". And it was then that he realized who he really was - he was the one that tripped people up his whole life - to get what was owed to him. So God changed his name to Israel, meaning Struggles with God or God prevails. And it begins a new life for Jacob/Israel.

So what does my name mean? Emily means "diligent worker" or "Industrious, Eager". Both of which I can say that my type A personality attributes to. Yes, my name reflects my life. And my middle name you ask? Jean means "God is gracious" and boy has he been to me!! I don't know how or why my parents picked my name (maybe mom will post a comment and explain - hint hint). Looking at my name and its meaning, yes, it reflects my life. But is that all? Sure I am a hard worker - but does what I do glorify the Lord? I am not looking to change my name, but maybe I can change how my life reflects my name and who I am.

So what is your name? Who are you?
(and you are welcome to comment and tell me your findings and thoughts!!)

COZUMEL - DIVES 2 & 3

Here are pictures from dives 2 and 3 ... i fixed the shadow problem, but didnt use my strobe... so the pictures are more blue. I used the strobe on dive 4, but havent had time to resize the pictures to post yet - will do tonight and post soon.

CLICK HERE FOR DIVES 2 & 3

Oh yeah, and i resized dive 1 so there are MORE PICTURES HERE

(If the links dont take you directly there - click on the "MY PHOTO ALBUM" link in the righthand sidebar. Then look for Cozumel 2006 (they are divided out by dives).

COZUMEL DAY 1 DIVE 1

You can see pictures of our first dive (night dive) on my Yahoo Photo Album CLICK HERE!!! They have a goofy shadow across the bottom right half of the pictures becuase I failed to read the manual for my new underwater housing ... well, read it completely that is. I have fixed the problem and the next pictures will be better!

FIST DIVING INJURY EVER... stung by tiny jelleyfish all over my left hand. Aparently they like to sting where I point my flashlight... which was pointed at my hand to watch my dive watch. But dont fret... I am OKAY!!

Okay ... check back later for all the photos .. this computer wont upload them in a timely manor... it is working on it's own schedule.

Vacationing

Well, I have gone on vacation to Cozumel and probably wont post this week - but you never know! I will however try and upload the diving pictures on a daily basis - check back here for updates and links to pictures! Have fun at work this week!

All I can say is WOW!

“ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ” (Romans 8:28)

Well, after really feeling God calling me to be a part of the testimony time during half times at the Upward games - I said "I'll go" and we had our first meeting tonight. I thought it was just going to be a general meeting, but Jared forgot to tell me that we were to share the testimony for halftime in front our our ministry group tonight - and that it had to be no more than 2 minutes long. Needless to say this made me a bit nervous. I wasn't the first to go - I had not idea what I would say - even though I did just write out my testimony. I let a few people go before me to see how they would present the gospel and their testimony together (ok, I let the whole group first). When Curtis asked me to go (maybe 3 before everyone had gone) I had said that I knew my testimony, but I didn't know how to present it in gospel form and I didn't know I was supposed to do that tonight. He was surprised when I got up last to speak - it was totally a God thing - He totally gave me the words to say at a moments notice. He's so awesome!

"Let me ask you a question. Are you good? Do you do good things? I tell you - I have been going to church my whole life and I am no where from good. I never have been and I never will be. And even if I was, it wouldn't get me into Heaven. But let me tell you what sets me apart - my relationship with Jesus Christ. Did you know He laid his life down and wiped me clean from all the bad things I do so that when God looks at me He would see perfection?! I am no where near perfect, but when God shed his blood to cover my sins - and I accepted the free gift of His forgiveness - it made me clean and gave me a ticket to Heaven. Here's the thing - He doesn't do this just for me - He died for you too! I have this booklet (this would be the got life tract - and Byron, I am going to need some more!) that will tell you all about this relationship I have and why I believe in God. You can get it from me - or at the concession stand. I'd be glad to go over it with you. Have you met Jesus and formed a relationship with Him? I challenge you to take this booklet and find out more."

I did it! I shared it in front of 9 people!! My heart was pounding, but I must say, it was fun to be in the moment and see God work by giving me courage and the words to say. I am so excited about the Upwards season. And you know what? I changed my signup time from one day - to ALL but one day (because I will be out of town one Saturday). I am so excited! I totally feel God's presence!

Lord, You are so awesome! I am not very good at jumping out of my comfort zone but I heard your call loud and clear and I want to enlarge Your Kingdom. I took my first steps and You were Awesome! Faithful and providing the words and courage - and sparking enthusiasm and eagerness in me. I cant wait to see how much more You have in store - not only for me, but for all of the Upwards Ministry. Thank You Lord for your greatness and being the conqueror of all things! I love you!

And Then He Ran To Me

Since I am giving my testimony in Sunday School next week, I had to write it out and figured I would post it here - so here is my testimony:

I was raised in a Christian home and accepted Christ as my savior at a very young age. That story doesn't make for a very exciting testimony. It wasn't until I got into high school that - even though I had accepted Christ as my savior, it was obvious I wasn't letting him be Lord of my life. I don't know why I ran from God - perhaps I didn't feel like I "fit in" with that crowd, but I began to follow the road of sex, lies, and drugs and made myself fit in there. I wont say I was always happy there. I always heard God calling me back to Him, and there were times I wanted out of my lifestyle, but I didn't know how to crawl up from those depths.

When I graduated High School I chose to attend a college where I didn't know anyone hoping to turn my life back to God. My first year was great. I was out of that lifestyle and was in church. I know that I felt God in my life at times, but I am not able to recall any dramatic revelations. My second and third year there were not as great - I fell right back into the life of habitual sin. Again, I always heard God's call in my life, and I would try to satisfy it with some Sundays in a pew - but I never "let go and let God."

It wasn't until my last semester that I really was drawn to God's call. I went to church because I wanted to be there... Not to quiet the Lord, but to enlarge Him in my life. I really wanted what God wanted for me. After graduating that summer, I moved to Arlington and became friends with Melanie through a mutual friend. For a year, I searched for the church where God wanted me - and He brought me to PPBC where He has blessed me with a great support system. I am not perfect now, but the Lord has changed my desires - from a lifestyle of habitual sin - to a life in pursuit of Him. It's not easy and I trip up a lot - but God has proven faithful to forgive and get me back on my feet. I am truly blessed to see that God can change my life and look forward to the changes He plans to make in the future.

Below is a song by Phillps Craig and Dean that is very special to me. I feel as though it tells my story - the story of the prodigal son who spends His inheritance on the World, but then realizes what really matters and returns to his Father - his loving and forgiving Father.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO SONG

Almighty God, the great I am,
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful,
awesome Lord, Victorious warrior,
commanding King of Kings, Mighty conqueror
-and the only time I ever saw Him run was when He ran to me,
He took me in His arms, Held my head to His chest, said "My son's come home again!"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes,
With forgiveness in His voice He said, "Son do you know I still love you?"
He caught me by surprise when God ran.

The day I left home, I knew I'd broken His heart.
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same.
Then one night I remembered His love for me.
And down that dusty road ahead I could see- It was the only time I ever saw Him run
And then He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said "My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said, "Son do you know I still love you?"
He caught me by surprise as He brought me to my knees When God ran - I saw Him run to me

I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away.
But now I know, He's been waiting for this day.
I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said "My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again

Jesus @ IHOP!

Pray for Eddie - out waiter at IHOP last night. The evangelism team meets there on Thursday nights and we shared the Gospel with him last night. He was receptive to our words, but there is more work to do there. We will return next Thursday and bring him more Truth. Pray that he would continue to be receptive, that God would speak through us - saying the words that Eddie needs to hear. Also pray that we witness to him in a way that will not jeprodize his job as he is at work. We need to give him short spurts of the Word - and I know that God will provide. This gives a new meaning to IHOP's motto - "Come Hungry, Leave Happy!"

Also, it's official - the evangelism team has joined together to all sign up for sharing either our testimony or a life application during half times at Upwards. So pray that we would encourage eachother, be strengthened through the Lord, and for the Lord's provision on what to say. This is out of our comfort zone for most of us and I expect that we will all have a great blessing and growth come out of it!

And one more - I am giving my testimony in Sunday School on the 19th, so pray for courage for me!!

Terrified!!

After Sunday's sermon (which was really great - you should listen to the tape!) - I was more deeply convicted that I should sign up for the Upwards testimonies at half time. I am terrified to do so!! But I know that God can use anyone - I just have to allow myself to be used. I have no idea what to say (if you have any guidance that would be great) and have no idea what it will be like to stand in front of so many people - but if the Lord says go, then I should go.

At first I thought "okay, well I'll pray about it" thinking that God would tell me "nah, this isn't for you" (it was really just a cop-out) but then I thought "why would God tell someone no to advancing His kingdom!!" so, terrified as I am I will tell Jared that I will do it and rely on God's provision.

Here's the challenge (or another challenge that is) - why shouldn't our whole evangelism team do this? If we are scared to talk to people then how are we ever going to share the Gospel. This might be a great opportunity to edify one another and grow spiritually!!! Just think about it - that is all I am saying (and pray for me!!!)

Finally to God

Lord, how awsome and holy You are to be faithful to me - never leaving or forsaking me. Even though I have not paid attention to You for quite some time now. Lord, I feel this in every aspect of my life - like the life is being sucked out of me. And others see it in me too. I am saddend by this - depressed if you will - I miss You. Is that even fair to say - I miss You? - when I am the one who has put You by the wayside? Lord, my personal choices reveal what is important to me - and it is obvious that it hasnt been You lately. I cringe at even the thought of that - much less saying it aloud. Forgive me Lord!! How long am I going to let this overtake my life? God, I think I have just thought I would let it run it's course - we all have our ups and downs right? But, forgive me! I havent even brought it to You with an Honest and pure heart. I havent even let You reveal Yourself in this. Father, I ask now - honest and open - I want this to end. I want to meet with You, Lord. Please reveal Yourself - open my eyes to Your presence. Father, give me a desire to know You - to want to spend time in Your words to me. Lord, set my priotires straight - with You at the top. Help me be disciplined to keep them straight. Help me - show me the way to get back on track. I love You Lord - forgive me for denying You.